I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
