She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
