We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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