i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
There's even glitter on my cock...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
