there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
