I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so let's talk penis.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
