I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
