there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
