the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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