In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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