If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
