Ambien. No doubt about it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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