Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
