I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
