You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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