Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
