all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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