so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
