We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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