My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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