You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
