hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
we should paint friendship bongs
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