The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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