I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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