She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
