TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just invented taco cereal.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
