Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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