they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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