I didn't shave. On purpose
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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