I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My ass is underappreciated
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
