I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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