I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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