I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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