Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
