she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
