yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
