he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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