wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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