i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
