I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want to make out with him forever
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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