He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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