uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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