What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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