I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
