got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there was a trapeze. enough said
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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