I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
