Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
