It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
