I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Say something about gay babies.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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