it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
