normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
