ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
