I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
