I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
