Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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