Who wears a wallet chain?!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
