So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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