I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
