what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
