maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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