On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
