I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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