That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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