I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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