you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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