Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
should my penis look like a turkey
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
