Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize