I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
