Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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