Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
