There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
