so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
