Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
