I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
