He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize