No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
