this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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