Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
