I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
