Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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