physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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