I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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