I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
