I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
