Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
