Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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