you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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