I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
