why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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