if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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