I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
