So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
