i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
