Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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