By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
