He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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