just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
