don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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