we should wear snuggies to the strip club
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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