I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
